Day bright wif joke

Ntg to post, post some funny stories to share them off.... Here the first one:

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A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to seethe bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw anenvelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leavinghome. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted toavoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and heis so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even withall is piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only thepassion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid andthat we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me(anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, reallythese things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woodsand has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has othergirlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way.He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreamstoo.

Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll begrowing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all thecocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will finda cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care ofmyself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know yourgrandchildren.
Your loving daughter,Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling,her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. Ijust wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than myreport card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it issafe for me to come home. I love you!

The end....

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Wao, at first i thought is real..... Get bombed aledi. OKok.. the 2nd:

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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
He turned to the other man and said: "You come with us, too."
"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.
"Bring them as well" replied the lawyer.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: "Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied: "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall."

The end....

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Love it very much...... Now the 3rd:

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As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, Said, "Good morning boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had Remembered. I worked until noon.
Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You Know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's Your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've Heard all day. Let's go." We went lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to The country to a little private place. We Had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't Need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not.". She said, "Let's go to my Apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom And slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six Minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday Cake, Followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our Friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch..........NAKED.

The end....

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Poor husband and bad husband..... Hehe...... wan some more??? OK, the last one and it is the longest one wif campur-campur story. Nvm lah :

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>>>>>Condom says to Kotex, "When you work, I lose seven days of business." Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine months!"

>>>>>A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have your tits on your back?" The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a d*** on his face!"

>>>>>A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!" So he ran off with the TV and VCD...

>>>>>Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!" Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so I can have a NEW ONE every morning!"

>>>>>A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")

>>>>>A lady visited her doctor one morning. Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3 times a day as I advised? Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"

>>>>>Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing..... When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid replied: "MASTURBATING."(master bathing)

>>>>>

Teacher: Why do cow look depressed when being milked?

Student: Madam, if someone rubs and squeeze your breasts for 2 hours but don't f*** you, how would you feel?

>>>>>

An Arab interviewd at the US Checkpoint.

Officer: Your name please?

Arab Guy: Abdul Aziz

Officer: Sex?

Arab Guy: Six times a week.

Officer: I mean male or female?

Arab Guy: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel.

>>>>>

Don't make love to a policewoman; she will say"STOP".

Don't make love to a nurse, she will say "NEXT",

but make love to a bus conductor, she will say,"MASUK DALAM LAGI!!"

>>>>>Sex is like a restaurant. Sometimes you get full, satisfactoryservice, and sometimes you have to be satisfied with "self-service".

>>>>>

Friends are like underwear, always a comfort.

Good friends are like condom always protecting.

Great friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.

>>>>>
Rooster and cat going over bridge.Cat slips & falls into river.Rooster can't stop laughing.The moral of the story?Whenever there's a wet p****, there's a happy cock.

>>>>>

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.The Female pencil gets pregnant!!Which Male pencil is responsible?THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER

>>>>>

What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?Answer: INTER COURSE.No matter how many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in !!

>>>>>

COCK says to his two BALLS: "I am going to take you with me to party."The BALLS say: "You f***ing liar! You always get INSIDE and leave uswaiting OUTSIDE!!!"

>>>>>

Q: Why do men have pubic hair?A: A nest for their bird...
Q: Why do women have pubic hair?A: A resting place for the coming bird!!!

>>>>>

What does it mean when a girl offers PEPSI to a guy?

P: Please

E: Enter

P: Penis

S: Slowly

I: Inside

>>>>>

Dracula asks God " May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"God said "OK, I'll turn you into a KOTEX!"

The end........................................................... a bit humsap lah but is real. Dun say i pervert as i also found from other website de